As I sit watching trailers and news spots on what movies are coming out, I have to ask: are remakes necessary? Do we really need new versions of certain movies? Can't Hollywood leave well enough alone?
I am a child of the 80s and 90s (if you want to stretch your definition of "child") so I have seen the original versions of Footloose and Total Recall and Nightmare on Elm Street. (You know I had to get the Footloose reference simply because of the title of this blog.) I'm not so sure they needed remakes. I hope the kids/teenagers/young people don't judge Footloose on the performances of Julianne Hough and Kenny Wormald. He was alright, but he's no Kevin Bacon, thank you very much. Jackie Earle Haley is a creepy dude, but he's no match for Robert Englund. Colin Farrell compared to Ahnold? Yeah, not really although he has to be in his heaviest Irish accent easier to understand than the Governator. That being said, I have a hard time believing that Hollywood studio executives, directors, agents, et. al., don't receive original screenplays by the truckload daily. Why do we have to recycle old ideas? They were great the first time around, but don't beat a dead dog.
I wanted to like Footloose. It was one of my favorite childhood movies. I could probably recite a good bit of the dialogue. I remember roller skating in my friend's basement to the soundtrack--oh where have you gone Kenny Loggins? I wanted to embrace the idea of a new version for a younger generation, with hipper dance moves, and tuxedos sans ruffles for the ending dance scene. But when they recycled everything, including word-for-word dialogue, I had to say, bleh. Hollywood, you could have done so much better.
To be fair, sometimes they can take an old idea and tweak it and turn it into something pretty good. Prime example? 21 Jump Street. Loved it. I loved the old television show with Johnny Depp and Richard Greico and their fabulous hair, so I was a little wary when it was announced a movie version would be released. But right from the jump, no pun intended, you could tell it wasn't going for that angle. It was going to be different, almost laughing at the drama approach the TV show took, including the fact that the guys looked like it had been decades since they were last in high school. That was the way to do it. Make something new out of an old idea. Don't take a movie, slap a new coat of paint on it (i.e. stick some hot new actress or actor in the lead role) without changing stuff around, and think we're not going to notice. Do something different. In a nutshell: stop f*&@ing with movies from my childhood.
Running a close second to the remake, in my opinion of hated movie ideas, is the sequel. I admit to a certain cheesy thrill when watching Friday the 13th Part XXX, but you know going in that it's going to suck and not come close to the original. Plus, those are strictly renters/wait for cable. They're talking about making another Fast and Furious movie, and as much as I like watching Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (he of the beautiful eyes), even I will not be paying money to watch the sixth movie in the franchise. Another Die Hard is in the works and rumors of a Top Gun remake/sequel. NOOOOOOO!!!!! (Now that movie I can recite almost word for word from beginning to end. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. Roger, that's your bogey.) I understand that Hollywood is in the money-making business, and if a movie gets tons of cash, why not see if people will come out for a sequel? I get that, but come on. And don't get me started on the television show/video game/board game to movie idea. Really? Battleship? Oy. What's next? Candyland?
All I'm saying is get some original stuff out there. People will watch. It doesn't even have to be ground-breaking, Oscar-worthy stuff. Look at Kevin Smith. With the exception of Red State (which I liked) he's made his entire career on movies that have no action, no special effects, barely any camera work and sometimes questionable acting, but people watch it. Except for Clerks II. That was pretty bad. Make it and they will come.
Bring on the hate mail at sixdegreesofkb@hotmail.com.
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